June 25, 2018

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Accepting counter offer closes doors

Dear Joan,

I would like to thank you for your weekly articles and resources. I found them to be very helpful in my job search.

I have a question that I hope you can answer for me. I am an established hotel director of sales; one and a half years ago, I was offered a job by a company; they even agreed to raise the salary for me, which I accepted.

Upon my resignation from my job, my employer offered to match the other salary. I believe the reason for this was, in part, due to the fact that the general manager of my hotel resigned the same day that I did.

I contacted the hiring manager, who made the job offer, and explained my situation to him. I felt a loyal obligation to stay, in order to prevent my company any hardship, as a result of losing their top two managers.

I have heard from a friend, who works for the hiring manager, that I have blown any chances of working for him, or the company, in the future. This company just posted an area director of sales position that I am prefect for. My question is: How should I go about making my interest known.


Imagine for a moment, that you met a wonderful woman and you had a whirlwind romance over the course of several months. You realize that you want to commit to her—she has the values, goals and dreams of the person you want to spend your life with.

You decide to propose. She accepts! You are both thrilled. Except that she has recently broken off a long-time relationship with her boyfriend. When her boyfriend finds out she is committing to another man, he freaks out and proposes on the spot. He promises her all the things he knows she wants. It turns out, her former boyfriend really wasn’t a bad guy—in fact she loved him—but he never seemed to be able to make that final commitment. The threat of losing her was all he needed to push him over the commitment threshold.

Now she is confused. She knows his family, they have great friends in common and they enjoyed each other’s company. He wasn’t a bad guy…he just didn’t have everything she wanted. That’s why she fell for you.

What makes it worse, is she finds out his mother has been diagnosed with a terrible illness. Her old boyfriend needs you. His mother needs you. She is terribly torn about which man to choose. She decides to say “no” to your marriage proposal and go back to her former boyfriend and marry him.

Years pass, his mother recovers, but alas, her marriage isn’t what she thought it would be. Some of the old problems resurface. She wants something more. She calls you and tells you she wants to get a divorce and start seeing you again.

I think you know how this story ends.

The hiring manager invested a lot of time and effort into hiring you. Although it is noble that you felt loyalty to your past company, I doubt the hiring manager will forgive being left at the altar.

I suggest you move on and pursue other opportunities. If your current employer provides a career path that you want to pursue, have a conversation with your manager about it. But I don’t suggest job hunting and hoping your current employer will make you another counter offer. They are probably fully aware that you will find another opportunity, since you tried to leave once before. Next time you get an offer, you will be wise to take it.

Joan Lloyd is a Milwaukee based executive coach and organizational & leadership development strategist. She is known for her ability to help leaders and their teams achieve measurable, lasting improvements. Joan Lloyd & Associates, specializes in leadership development, organizational change and teambuilding, providing: executive coaching, CEO coaching & team coaching, 360-degree feedback processes, customized training (leadership skills, presentation skills, internal consulting skills & facilitation skills), team conflict resolution and retreat facilitation.

Contact Joan Lloyd & Associates at (800) 348-1944,, or

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