I was speechless. It was 1981 and I was waiting in line by myself to check in at my 10-year high school reunion. I was dreading seeing Willy Bannister (name changed to protect me). I had been worrying about it for weeks. Would he be there? Would I see him? And then out of the corner of my eye I spotted him. I looked down at the ground and tried to pretend I was invisible.
Let me backtrack. All during middle school and high school, Willy bullied me by taunting and laughing at me. He frequently hit me on the back of the head, pushed me from behind, and slapped me hard on the back while laughing out loud to himself and his buddies.
Periodically, I tried to strike back. One time, I actually threw him off the gymnasium bleachers. Another time I punched him in the stomach but he immediately reciprocated by punching me in the eye, giving me a shiner that made me the laughing stock of the school for at least a week.
He was my bully and I was his target.
Back to the reunion.
I successfully evaded an encounter with Willy Bannister at the check-in line. Later that evening, however, I was sitting with my friends at the dinner table and he came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. He motioned to me with his finger that he wanted to speak with me. With much apprehension, I slowly got out of my chair and walked toward him where he was waiting for me in a corner of the dimly lit room. I had no idea what was going to happen. And then he said something I will never forget.
He said, "I'm sorry."
That was it. It was all he said. I was speechless. Was he apologizing for the black eye he gave me, or for the years of physical and psychological abuse? Did he even realize that he had bullied me? I didn't know. I was so shocked that I just could not think quickly enough to ask him any of these questions. I just nodded and returned to my seat.
This memory came back to me because my 40th reunion is coming up later this summer. If he is there, maybe, just maybe, I will muster up enough courage to ask.
You read about it all of the time. Here are a few recent headlines:
9 Teens Charged in Girl's Bullying Son Bullied at School Before Suicide 11-Year-Old Hangs Himself After Enduring Daily Anti-Gay Bullying
But does bullying happen in the workplace as well?
According to a national study of more than 7,500 adults conducted in 2007 by the Workplace Bullying Institute and Zogby International, 37 percent of all adult Americans report being bullied at work (an estimated 54 million workers.) (To download a summary of the report, visit www.workplacebullying.org).
My own studies of 80 organizations confirm that 20 percent of employees do not feel respected by their co-workers, and 27 percent do not feel respected by their supervisors.
The Workplace Bullying Institute defines bullying as:
"Repeated mistreatment manifested as either:
Here are a few other statistics from their study:
For organizations, the cost of bullying includes reduced employee creativity, low morale, and increased turnover.
WHAT TO DO
Here are several things that organizations can do to combat bullying:
Without intervention, it is rare that a bully (like Willy Bannister) will ever apologize for his or her abusive behavior. Be proactive in your organization to stop bullies before they intimidate employees, lower morale, increase stress, and lead to the loss of good employees.
- Bruce L. Katcher
Bruce Katcher, PhD is President of Discovery Surveys, Inc. His firm conducts customized employee opinion and customer satisfaction surveys. Learn more at www.DiscoverySurveys.com. He can be reached at BKatcher@DiscoverySurveys.com or 888-784-4367.